By: Emily Tripodi
Sports Editor: Zoe Forster
Magazine Editor-in-Chief: Yasmin Alameddine
In light of the Cornell men’s ice hockey team and their game tonight against Harvard, I have put together a little selection that I like to call: Ten Obvious Reasons Why Harvard Sucks, Has Always Sucked, And Will Continue To Forever Suck As An Institution Of The United States of America
1. The Cayuga Waiters already sang it:
Something, something, something, we didn’t go to Harvard. Something, something, cocky, and they can’t play hockey. So there’s that.
2. Even Harvard students are quick to tell the world
“But as any undergraduate who actually attends the school knows, the Harvard education is overrated… If you aren’t accepted, or if you never applied, consider yourself fortunate: you will receive a better education in the bargain.” – Alexander Heffner ‘12. Whoops, Harvard. Your students hate you.
3. Their motto is “veritas,” which is the Latin word for “truth.”
Cue laughter in remembrance of their cheating scandal that all of the suspended students and teaching assistants from Government 1310 still vehemently deny ever happening.
4. Barney Stinson
5. I Googled “Why Harvard sucks,”
I found an article from their newspaper, The Harvard Crimson. Turns out, Harvard students’ first complaint is, in all caps, “ERGONOMETRIC WORKSTATIONS.” That sounds… fun?
6. They don’t have a clock tower chiming your favorite Harry Potter jingles on the hour, every hour.
How do they get through the day?
7. Numbers don’t lie
Harvard’s ice hockey record is: 9-14-4. We are 14-7-5.To clarify, that is: 9 wins, 14 losses, and 4 ties. So, statistically speaking, they actually do suck. (Cornell’s is 14-7-5).
8. Our freshman may be stressed, but at least they suck it up and take their midterms instead of faking a bomb threat.
Read for yourself: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2013/12/19/fake-harvard-bomb-threat-was-made-by-a-student-who-wanted-to-postpone-an-ex
9. Their mascot is a creepy old man
I guarantee you one look at “John Harvard” and you won’t be able to sleep at night… for a month.
10. I just cannot ever seem to find any spots to “pahk” my “cah” in “Hahvahd yahd.”
11. They were our safety school, obviously.
