A Guide to Cornell Etiquette (Part I)

Author: Michelle DiGiglio

Cornell has its own personality and culture that’s unique to our campus. Everyone wants to fit in, and it’s important that your manners are up to par with the high standard we have set. Here is (part one of)  how to act like a true Cornell student.

 

Manners On-the-Go

When you open the door for yourself, make sure that the person behind you doesn’t reap the benefit of all that hard work you put in; let the door slam in their face. You definitely don’t have the time or energy to extend your hand out and hold the door open for an extra three seconds.  And if someone does hold the door open for you, do NOT say thank you. “How dare you” might be more fitting.

 

 

When walking to class on a narrow pathway, show off your creative side and walk right in the middle of it. Keeping to the right (with the flow of traffic) is boring and mainstream. Bonus points for crossing the street without looking both ways or waving a thank you for stopping cars. P.S. They’re honking to compliment you!

 

In between classes, it’s just you and that one person you sort of know walking down the hallway. You know them and you know they know you and you just made eye contact. But you can’t smile at them or say hello. Instead, look down at your phone, keep your RBF strong, and the second you walk past them, look back up from your phone (quick enough so they can see you did it intentionally). Give a sigh of relief that you just avoided something that could have been even mildly uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 

Library Etiquette

As soon as you walk into the stacks, begin a loud conversation with your best friend; everyone around you is sure to love it. They’re all probably dying for a study break, and there you are to help them out. Bonus points if you get a phone call and just take it right where you are (you can’t just get up and take it outside).

 

 

If you’re in a study room, take every outlet you see. Sure, there’s only 4 outlets in the room, but your laptop, phone, iPad, and digital camera are all ONLY at 80%. Don’t you dare risk it.

 

So you’re feeling a little sick and tired today? No problem! Just cough (without covering your mouth) on the person sitting across from you. It’s so cute they might actually fall in love with you. If you have a runny nose, just keep sniffling every 25 seconds instead of blowing your nose (tissues are so lame these days). Lastly, if you need to yawn, add some personality. Make it loud and proud and please do not cover your mouth.

 

 

 

Dining Hall Manners

Even though your plate is full and you don’t even know if you’re hungry, make sure to take the last three slices of pizza. That way, the person behind you has to wait an extra 15 minutes just to get one slice. They will appreciate that you love yourself so much that you thoughtyou should get more than your fair share.

 

 

If you are eating a meal with a friend, make sure to check your phone every three minutes. Your friends understand that you would rather scroll through Instagram than have a real-life conversation with them.

 

 

Lastly, when you are finish eating, don’t fully clean up after yourself. Cornell dining faculty loves when you leave a giant mess–it’s what they live for.

 

 

Party Politeness

When you’re walking up to a house and see someone at the door, don’t acknowledge them at all. Just walk straight in.

 

If there’s a line for the bathroom in level B, don’t wait in it. Cut straight to the front.

 

 

Bartenders aren’t people, so don’t tip them when you buy a drink.

 

When you finish your drink, throw it on the floor aggressively so the world knows how savage you are.

 

 

Feeling sick? No problem, just find the nearest bathroom and instead of going into a stall, throw up in the sink. Now everyone will see the progress you made tonight!

 

When your night’s done and you’re feeling sleepy, just pass out facedown on the pavement in front of someone’s else house.

 

 

Here, academic intelligence translates into superb treatment of other human beings. We are an Ivy League institution after all: the brightest of the bright, the most well-versed and charming, incredibly well-rounded individuals. We know what we want and what we value, and if it doesn’t meet this criteria or serve our aspirations, our effort need not apply.