Author: Asha McLachlan

My friend usually asks me how she looks before we go out. This past weekend I told her the top she was wearing looked awful on her, and then she got mad at me. I don’t know why she would ask me if she didn’t want my honest opinion. Should I be less honest?

- TBH

 

Dear TBH, If being “less honest” means lying, you should definitely notbe less honest. However, if your friend took offense to your frankness, maybe reevaluate the way that you express your honesty. Such blatant statements can be misconstrued as more brutal than intended, which is unfortunate because it sounds like you meant no harm. Perhaps instead of telling her that she looks awful, you can say something like, “I’ve definitely seen better outfits on you, maybe try a different top?” or, “You have such a great figure and this top doesn’t do you justice.” This way, rather than hopelessly telling her that she looks bad, you’re giving her constructive feedback that she can work off of. If she still gets mad when you try to use less harsh phrasing, remove yourself from the situation; tell her that you’re unsure and that she should ask someone else for their opinion. Still, always avoid lying to your friend. Though it sometimes goes unappreciated, honesty is the key to maintaining any successful friendship

-Asha

 

Every guy I’m ever interested in always thinks of me as a friend. I’m always in the “friend zone.” How do I get out?

- Brozoned

 

Dear Brozoned, It can be really frustrating to be seen as “one of the guys” by your love interest, but it’s probably because you’re so chill that he finds it hard to view you in any other nature. That’s not to say that you should be less chill – be the cool person that you naturally are! Maybe he can’t tell you’re interested. You can fix that by nonchalantly dropping hints. If you have a date event coming up, you can casually ask him to go with you; if it doesn’t work out, you can play it off like you brought him as a friend. You can also make plans to hang out with him alone – one on one time is the easiest way to get him to see your bond as something more than friendly. I’m not saying you have to get physical, but private time together is a great opportunity to get to know one another beyond the surface level. Give him a chance to see you in a different light! Also, remember that you’re your best self when you’re  the most comfortable and confident, so make sure that you set yourself up to feel that way when you’re around him. Unfortunately, if the feelings remain one-sided, you may just have to give it a hard chop. The heartbreak might suck in the moment, but remember that you deserve someone who’s into exactly the person you are – onto the next one!

-Asha

 

This girl who sits next to me in class thinks we’re friends, but we’re not. She will ask me a million questions and won’t stop talking. I’ve tried avoiding eye contact and being quiet or shy, but nothing works. I can’t move seats because they’re permanent for the rest of the semester. How do I politely avoid her?

- IDFWU

 

Dear IDFWU, First, ask yourself: is she just trying too hard to be friendly, or is she actually a distraction from learning in class? If she’s just trying to be nice, I would say to take her over-gregariousness as a compliment and tough it out for the semester. But if she’s really a disturbance to you, you need to do something. It sounds like you can’t avoid her in class since the seating is permanent. However, you can try to get her to stop interacting with you by saying something direct like, “I’m having trouble focusing, would you mind not talking during class?” Be mindful of tone, though, because that could easily be interpreted as meaner than intended. If that doesn’t get the message across, you can try to be even less responsive. Although it might be the harsher course of action, tuning her out might be your only resolution to her unbearable forwardness. If all else fails, you can go to the professor and see if you can work out an alternative seating arrangement. When push comes to shove, don’t feel bad if there’s no “nice” way to avoid her – you have the right to your own space and peace, especially in such a rigorous learning environment as Cornell where we can’t really afford to miss anything that happens in class.

-Asha

 

Asha is Slope Media’s weekly advice columnist, seeking to help students resolve the issues they may encounter and to answer those tough questions from the perspective of one of their peers. Got a question? Email zoe.forster@www.slopemedia.org.