Yesterday, at exactly 12:23 p.m., I orgasmed in the middle of my biology class.

No noises were made. No heads turned. Nobody gasped, screamed, pointed, or skipped a beat in their frantic attempt to copy intricate definitions from a dated Powerpoint. Instead, my wrinkled, balding professor continued to pontificate on the evolution of Homo sapiens, unawares that one of his students had just exploded in her pants. It was, perhaps, the most subtle orgasm to ever escape my body. But how did it happen?

Simple: Classturbation.

For those readers unfamiliar with the term, classturbation refers to the act of inconspicuously masturbating during a class, course, lesson, or seminar. Classturbators can be either male or female, and typically employ their surreptitious self-touching in creative, non-threatening ways. For example, one might place a jacket or book-bag over their lap while wearing a dress, skirt, or sweat pants in order to maintain an air of casualness. Feigning a nap is also a nice touch, since onlookers will assume slight twitching or odd facial expressions are simply the result of a particularly vivid daydream. Common classroom objects (pens, pencils, rulers, etc.) can also be utilized inventively in a pinch, but this is only recommended for more skilled classturbators. Whatever the method, these sneaky students are able to wank one out faster than you can write the word "paleoanthropology" onto your college-ruled notebook paper. In fact, I'm willing to bet that all of us have been in the presence of a classturbator at some point during our college careers and had absolutely no idea.

I realize the concept is both shocking and perhaps revolting to some people. Why would someone feel the need to beat their meat in the middle of class time? Why risk being caught when, in a few hours, said classturbator will probably be alone in the privacy of their dorm room where they can freely violate themselves without disrupting others? There are a multitude of reasons for engaging in this kind of behavior, but the most important has to do with the riskiness of the act and the nature of classroom dynamics.

You see, classturbators fall into a sub-group of sexual deviants called exhibitionists. Many of us have heard the term before when referring to people who enjoy flashing their nasty parts or having sex in public. Exhibitionism, however, is more than enjoying the act of self-exposure. It is about experiencing sexual excitement at the mere thought of being caught in a sexual, exposed, deviant, or vulnerable position. Unlike other kinds of exhibitionists, classturbators translate this "thrill of discovery" into a unique scenario: the student-teacher/classmate relationship.

Consider this: in a normal, neutral classroom scenario, the teacher/professor holds all the power and dictates all the events that transpire. Everything from speaking privileges, to one's ability to use the bathroom are systematically managed by the teacher. We comply unquestionably with the requests of our (supposed) intellectual superiors despite what our goals, needs, or wants may be. For example, we may have no interest in the assigned subject material, but we still spend hours researching the topic in order to write an essay to be judged, eventually, by the superior who coerced us into writing it in the first place. Even after spending time reading the essays we spent days working on, our professor may still not know our names or faces. Depending on the size of the classroom, we may just be a student ID number on a class roster. Additionally, we see our classmates as being simultaneously our equals and our competition. Although we are all in the same boat, working on and learning the same things, we're still vying for the top grade and recognition from the teacher. Thus, we have no connection to the people sitting to our left and right in an auditorium other than the threat we pose to their final grade.

That being said, it is difficult to disrupt the flow of power and the relational dynamics of a classroom, and one who does is almost always ostracized. For example, "class clowns" are often sent to the principal's office for interrupting a teacher's lesson with their shenanigans, but only after being publicly exposed, shamed, and reprimanded. Similarly, students who  take on the "teacher's pet" role are socially rejected by other classmates due to the threat the "pet" poses to their class standings. Classturbators, however, have discovered the ultimate way to disrupt the monotony, restrictiveness, and social norms of the classroom without being shunned. By playing a secret game of pocket-pool, these students are not only giving a big "FUCK YOU" to their professor and fellow classmates, they're also taking back their sense of autonomy and individuality in a setting where it usually is diminished. At the same time, they are turning their classmates, originally a source of competition, into sexual objects. Because classturbators enjoy the threat of being caught, the classmates become inadvertently involved in the fantasy since they are the ones who can potentially do the catching. This is what classturbators get off on, and this is what motivates them to take the risk.

If you've never had an exhibitionist desire in your life, though, then it seems logical that you wouldn't be motivated to classturbate any time soon. But before you rule it out completely, consider this: several studies have been done showing a positive relationship between masturbating and stress-reduction. According to sex therapist Martha Cornog, author of The Big Book of Masturbation, the act of jacking/jilling off "...is all about 'you time,' and taking time to focus on yourself is a great way to break up the stress of a busy life. Particularly when used with sexual fantasy, masturbation can be a great escape, and a way to let off some steam...". In other words, having a silent orgasm in the middle of class might actually help you de-stress and, subsequently, concentrate and learn more effectively. Just worth a thought.

In the end, it's all a matter of preference. For some people, the perceived risk of being caught is so great that they could never fully enjoy a classturbation session. Thus, engaging in the behavior would be counterintuitive. For others, though, it might be the perfect way to relax, take back control in the classroom, and be a little naughty. Although yesterday was the first time I'd ever felt comfortable touching myself in public, I can see myself doing it again in the event that the urge strikes, and I encourage others to do the same. If you do nothing else with this information, at least take the time to scope out someone classturbating the next time you find yourself in a large lecture. You're guaranteed to find someone, and you might just learn a thing or two. :)