The Berry Patch

The Sun reported earlier this week that Cornell students are overwhelmingly in favor of a community center in Collegetown. We did our own (completely scientific) survey to determine what commercial establishments undergraduates wanted to include in this building (besides air hockey and ping pong, of course).

The Stacks: A Sophisticated Gentleman’s Club

Live Nude Girls dance daily for your enjoyment. In keeping with our books-and-boobs theme, our dancers are also available as intellectual call girls and will discuss a range of subjects from financial accounting to Foucault.

Happy Dave’s OakenDrunk Bar and Grille

The early 90’s are back with a vengeance at this new campus pub. BRBs and Meal Plan accepted, and the karaoke machine — stocking hits from Chumbawumba to Will Smith to Venga Boys — is absolutely free. Note: You must wear flannel, florescent Adidas windpants and/or platform sneakers to gain entrance.

Slope Media Annex

In the southwest corner of the Collegetown community center, a small computer lab has been transformed into a global media empire (Time Warner Global Media Group, eat your heart out). Peer through the plexiglass as “Joey” and his gang claw their way to worldwide domination. Slope Media Group, Slope Encyclopedia Sales and the Slope Galactic Mars Exploration Mission are all housed here.

Zinck’s Greek Emporium

Your perfect one-stop-shop for all things college. Togas imported from Athens made from the finest Persian satin adorn the walls in shades of deep red and majestic blue, while hand-crafted, cutting-edge ice luges are perfect for classy pregames with your favorite T.A. Beer pong tables come freshly sanded in both regulation size and junior. Customizable super-sick frat crests are available on all merchandise upon request. Bros of all shapes and sizes welcome.

Source: http://cornellsun.com/node/26002

PDF: the-berry-patch-the-cornell-daily-sun.pdf