By Lindsay Cayne
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, famed sex therapist, media personality, and author, spoke to Cornell students on Wednesday, March 19th about “Heavenly Sex” (a play off of one of her book titles) and orgasms at the first Hillel Major Speakers Series event of the semester.
Dr. Ruth’s authoritative knowledge in the area of sex as well as her genuine interest in the healthy sex lives of students was highly apparent. For an 85 year-old, the former Israeli sniper exuded a pleasantly surprising amount of energy. Her refreshingly to-the-point candour captivated the large audience, and even inspired heaps of students to submit sex-related questions for Westheimer to answer at the end of the talk (which were answered with gusto).
Dr. Ruth began by reminiscing about her time at Cornell, noting that her experience at the school allowed her to “stand on the shoulders of giants” — a nod to both her time at Cornell Medical School and her tiny 4’7” stature. Throughout the event, Dr. Ruth focused on sexuality in the Jewish tradition, as well as on general issues of sexuality that modern young people face, such as the importance of “sexual literacy,” which she defined as the importance of sex education from an early age. Westheimer even dared to suggest that all adolescent boys and girls learn the ins and outs of female menstruation, as well as other phenomena like “wet dreams,” so that youth are sexually literate before they’re sexually mature.
In regard to sexuality and Judaism, Dr. Ruth noted that sex, specifically on Friday nights (the Sabbath), “has not been forbidden but has been a mitzvah and an obligation for a married couple. Sex is not a sin!” An enlightening and shocking look into the religion that even surprised some of the Jews in the audience.
Challenging the teachings of the Torah, Dr. Ruth shared her opinion on sex and homosexuality. She said, “we do not know the reason for homosexuality, and we do not know the reason for heterosexuality.” She added, “any homosexual couple that comes into my office with a relationship or sexual problem, I treat them with the same respect as everyone else.” A welcomed stance that not everyone expected to hear from a sex therapist who calls herself “very traditional.”
Despite her relaxed attitude towards human sexuality, there are still things that shock the open-minded sex therapist. Dr. Ruth told the students that once a man called her and described his loving relationship with his girlfriend, including their terrific sex, and added that they always use contraception — which pleased Dr. Ruth. Curious as to what the man’s point was, Dr. Ruth asked “what’s your comment?” The man then asked if it is strange that his girlfriend “likes to toss onion rings onto [his] erect penis.” This elicited a roar of laughter throughout the auditorium, as even Westheimer admitted she couldn’t help but find the scenario extremely amusing. Any takers?
Dr. Ruth was sure to leave room for “from the floor” questions, admittedly her favorite part of giving lectures. One question asked for her opinion on resisting “hook-up culture” at universities, to which Dr. Ruth suggested that if you are sexually aroused and are not in a relationship nor have a partner, you should masturbate rather than look around the room for someone to “hook-up” with. “In the privacy of your own room, of course!” she emphasized. That’s the first time we’ve ever heard masturbation be condoned as a way to resist the temptation of a one night stand.
Aside from imparting her knowledge and advice about sexuality, Dr. Ruth talked about her past experiences in television, radio and books. She said that when she held her own television show, she only used actors and actresses because she never wanted to exploit real people and their right to privacy. Regarding her writing career, Dr. Ruth said she was once asked to write for the book “Sex for Dummies.” Thinking this was a book for stupid people, she first declined. However, after looking the books up and realizing how intellectual they truly were, she accepted the offer and wrote for the book. Between juggling multimedia projects, she enjoys inspiring young people to expand their potential for changing the way the world understands sexuality.
Adding to her earlier mantra that everyone needs to be and deserves to be “sexually literate,” Dr. Ruth stressed that more research in the field of human sexuality within the elderly population needs to be conducted, and that Cornellians should be the ones to spearhead it. “We still don’t know enough,” she emphasized as she wrapped up her lecture. “What we need is more research about sexuality and older people. I believe people can be sexually active until the age of 99.” And why not?
Want more Dr. Ruth? Check out the play “Becoming Dr. Ruth,” starring Debra Jo Rupp of That 70s Show. Information about the show and upcoming tour dates here: http://www.becomingdoctorruth.com/
