You’ll be meeting a lot of people this week. Some will go on to be friends; others, foes. Either way, we guarantee you’ll be encountering each of these characters at one point or another over the next four years.
1. Your Roommate
Unless you have a single, this is probably the first person you’ll meet. You’ll either love them and stay friends for life, or you’ll hate them and share the horror stories at most social gatherings for the foreseeable future. Or maybe you’ll just be entirely indifferent to their existence. Either way, you’re stuck in the same space with them for the year, so set boundaries and expectations from the start.
2. The Kid Who’s Way too Eager on Social Media
He friended everyone on Facebook, including your parents and your third-cousin twice removed (because why not?), posted excessively in the Class of 2019 group, and planned a “city meet-up” or two over the summer. Everyone knows his name, but few have actually met him. Does he even exist?
3. Your Orientation Leader
Whatever they’re drinking, we need to know. Somehow orientation leaders have found a way to go above and beyond the call of duty, leaving everyone they meet in awestruck wonder at how one person could ever possibly be so charismatic. If everyone could be as friendly and outgoing as these guys and gals are, the world would be a much better place.
4. The Archie
You’ll meet them once or twice, then they’ll go missing until Dragon Day. It’s on this day of every year that the archies remind everyone they still exist, and that their roommates can put a hold on filing a missing person report for another few months.
5. The “How the Hell Did You Get Into Cornell?” Kid
Slowly a hand raises in lecture, and you think “not again” as your professor calls on them. Not sure which is worse: “Will this be on the test?” or “Can I go to the bathroom?” Cue the cringing.
6. The Kid That Makes You Ask “How the Hell Did I Get Into Cornell?”
They probably look at you the same way you looked at the last kid. By the age of 11 they had already sold their first business for an easy million bucks, all the while researching a cure for cancer. Word around campus is that they’re planning to present their 6-month plan for curing world hunger by the end of the semester.
7. The Tryhard
When he heard college was a chance to reinvent himself, he decided to go above and beyond. He’s overly obnoxious, constantly sharing blatantly exaggerated stories of his “adventures,” and has perfected the skill of complain-bragging (“UGH, so hungover right now…I went waaay too hard last night after I left Dunbars for Loco with all the frat brothers I met at the annex”).
8. The Library Lurker
When prelims hit, they’re the ones waiting outside the library doors an hour before they open to ensure they keep the same spot they’ve been using every day since classes started. Just looking at their spot is asking for trouble.
9. Your Best Friend
You have the same sense of humor, the same taste in music, and you both have Pi Day marked on your calendar. Sure, they look nothing like you – but you’ll swear there had to have been a mixup at the hospital, because they’re actually your long lost twin.
10. The Hallmate Who Can’t Use an Alarm Clock
Also known as “the snoozer.” Why even set an alarm if you’re not going to use it?
11. The Musician-in-Residence
You can usually find him in your dorm’s lounge playing Wonderwall on his out-of-tune acoustic guitar. Every dorm has a handful of self-proclaimed musical prodigies, and they’ll be sure to let you know they were in a band in high school.
12. The Overachiever
Signing up for 15 different clubs at ClubFest while simultaneously taking 18 credits your first semester isn’t that big of a deal, right?
13. The (Extreme) Procrastinator
Typically seen at Nasties on a Sunday night, stocking up on Red Bull and instant ramen because he waited to write his 10-page essay until the day before it was due. No biggie, though, it’s only worth 25% of his final grade.
14. The Quartercarders
Do they actually go to class, or is this a job that they get paid for? When it comes to quartercarders, it’s important to avoid eye contact at all costs. Invest in a pair of sunglasses, plug in your headphones, and look preoccupied. Guaranteed to work 95% of the time.
15. The Student Assembly Candidate
Much like a presidential election, get ready to hear an endless stream of outlandish promises from the various candidates in exchange for your vote.
16. The Cool Professor
You will, at one point over the next four years, discover a professor who manages to make even the most mundane topics seem enjoyable. Whether it’s a chemist setting off explosions in the name of education, your ultra-relaxed Anthropology professor who rocks his knitted sock monkey hat with pride, or an amazingly passionate and outspoken Oceanography lecturer who moves hundreds of students to care about the environment – Cornell has more than its fair share of professors who rightfully deserve the “cool” title.
17. The Slope Writer
Because we had to save the best for last. Our writers are tasked with keeping Cornell students constantly entertained and informed. You’ll often find us downing a latte at Libe and working on our latest articles for the week.
