Author: Liza Mansbach

FOMO (fear of missing out, for those who don’t know) is a serious ailment afflicting millions of people across the country. Every night, thousands of Cornellians anguish over whether or not staying in is worth potentially missing the best night of their life. If you are or have experienced any of the following symptoms, consider getting tested for FOMO.

 

1. Getting back as early as possible for O-Week

 

An easy way to diagnose your FOMO is to look at when you returned to campus after summer break. Unafflicted individuals might choose to arrive on freshman move-in day, the official start of O-week. FOMO sufferers, unable to bear any potential Instagram captioned “squad is back” that don’t include them, choose to return at least a week before the start of classes.

2. Leaving Cornell ASAP for any break

 

True FOMO sufferers understand the importance of leaving campus for any and all vacations. What’s the point of fall break if not to get a photo of your school friends and your home friends together at Michigan Game Day?

3. Not having your phone with you gives you unbelievable anxiety

 

Imagine how those with severe peanut allergies feel when they don’t have their epi-pens on them. That’s how FOMO sufferers feel without their cell phones. Except instead of worrying about going into anaphylactic shock, FOMO sufferers worry that everyone is making plans in the Groupme without them.

4. Forcing all of your friends to get the “Find my Friends” app

 

 

To some, making all your friends get an app so you can track their location at all times might seem like borderline stalking. But for those with FOMO, nothing calms us down quicker than seeing all of your friends are scattered all over campus in class.

5. Needing to go to at least 3 places on any given night

 

 

Even when they go out, FOMO sufferers are always worried that the party across the street is better than the one they are at. The question in the back of our heads, no matter how much we may actually be enjoying the current event, is: “But what’s happening at Loco?”

6. Not understanding “Netflix and chill”

 

Yes, we get that “Netflix and chill” is the latest sexual euphemism kids are using these days. That is neither here nor there. What’s unbelievable to FOMO sufferers is that people actually think this is an acceptable alternative to going out. For them, cuddling with your hook-up and laptop is what you do when it’s too cold to go class in the winter, not what you do on Friday night…or a Thursday night, or even really a Wednesday night (because fishbowls).

7. Having FOMO about things not related to going out

 

 

Tuesday night, 6pm. You check Find my Friends only to see your crew spread out over random parts of Uris and Rockefeller. What are they all doing? Then it dawns on you, club meetings. You then proceed to freak out that everyone has joined clubs without you and that you are wasting your tuition money by not utilizing all Cornell has to offer.