Presented by Cornell University’s Skimm’bassador Erica Baevsky

SPORTS 3/9

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND ORGANIZING A MARCH MADNESS BRACKET…

Did you hear about Syracuse? On Friday, the NCAA suspended men’s basketball coach Jim Boeheim, took away some athletic scholarships, and stripped the team of 108 wins. This comes after a years-long investigation into things like academic and drug policy violations. In light of the continuing investigation, the team voluntarily pulled itself out of the postseason, meaning no March Madness for them. If that wasn’t enough to deflate their balls, none of the current team members committed any of the violations. Before this, Boeheim was one of the winningest coaches in the sport’s history. Yes, winningest is a word.

 

HISTORY 3/9

WHAT TO SAY TO WHEN YOU GET A HAND-WRITTEN THANK YOU NOTE…

Ah, the lost art of letter writing. Over the weekend, the Vatican announced that it had received a ransom demand for two documents handwritten by Michelangelo. They went missing from the Vatican archives in 1997, but the Vatican didn’t report the theft until now. There are reports that a former Vatican employee is holding the documents for a more than $100,000 ransom. These documents are extremely rare, since Michelangelo usually had an apprentice write his letters. All this needs is a crazy monk, and you’ve got yourself a Dan Brown novel. Meanwhile in Rome, two American women did their country proud by carving their initials into the Colosseum. Face palm.

 

TECHNOLOGY 3/10

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU CAN’T BE ALONE FOR 10 SECONDS WITHOUT CHECKING YOUR PHONE…

Good news: Apple wants to take over your life in a whole new way. Yesterday, the company had a fancy event to show off the shiny new Apple Watch. It can double as your hotel key, wallet, workout tracker, etc. It also reportedly tells time. Prices start at $349, but if you’re looking for a way to spend $10,000, you can do that too. This watch is a big deal for The Fruit, since it’s the first new product category the company has launched without Steve Jobs. Meanwhile, if your best friend’s ex-boyfriend’s mother’s HBO Go password has expired, Apple has a solution. It’s offering HBO’s new streaming service, HBO Now on Apple devices for $14.99 a month, just in time for next month’s GOT premiere. iReign.

 

UNFORTUNATE LOSSES 3/10

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU HEAR “D’OH”…

Thanks for Homer, Sam Simon. On Monday, the co-creator of “The Simpsons” died of colon cancer. He was 59. Simon spent the late-70s and 80s writing for pretty much every show that made your parents laugh, including “Taxi” and “Cheers.” He picked up nine Emmys along the way. When he was diagnosed in 2012, doctors said he had six months to live. Simon spent the rest of his life trying to give away his entire fortune – think: at least $100 million – to causes he loved. Like animal foundations, including his own.

 

LEGAL 3/10

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY SPILL COFFEE ON YOUR OFFICE RIVAL’S COMPUTER…

That’s probably not going to help things. On Monday, Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) signed a law that prevents unions from requiring all workers to pay union dues. Wisconsin is the 25th US state to adopt these so-called “right-to-work” laws. This does nothing for his already terrible relationship with unions in the state. Reminder: in 2011, Walker had a very public showdown with public sector unions over collective bargaining (aka the ability to negotiate things like wages as a group). The unions lost, and tried to kick Walker out of office with a recall election, which Walker won. Unions say the law is an attack on organized labor and will hurt workers. Supporters of the law say it will bring new businesses to the state that otherwise would have stayed away. And Walker, who is considering a presidential run in 2016, is probably thinking he just found a big election talking point.

 

COLLEGE 3/11

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR SISTER IN COLLEGE…

The best four years of your life ain’t cheap. So Tuesday, President Obama said that he wants to make it easier for people to repay student loans. On top of other college regrets, about 40 million Americans have student debt that adds up to more than $1 trillion. Yes, with a ‘t.’ Obama signed a “student aid bill of rights” and announced new policies like requiring lenders to be more transparent about repayment options, and creating a website where people can see their loan info all in one place. The White House also said it’s considering letting Americans get rid of their debt through bankruptcy, like credit card debt or mortgages.

 

INTERNATIONAL 3/11

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO LIKES SOMEONE NAMED MOLLY…

Ireland does too. On Tuesday, Ireland legalized a bunch of drugs for one day only, including ecstasy, meth, and shrooms. This was not on purpose. An Irish court ruled a 1977 Misuse of Drugs Act unconstitutional because it was created without approval from parliament. The Department of Health said it was breaking up the party Tuesday night with emergency legislation. But for a little while, no one could say “I’m confiscating this.”

 

BUSINESS 3/11

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR COWORKER FINDS FACEBOOK PICS OF YOU FROM SPRING BREAK ’08…

I swear that’s not what I’m like anymore. On Tuesday, Uber announced that it’s hiring one million female drivers by 2020. This might be in response to stories like this and this that have made some women feel not-so-safe in the back seat. Uber’s partnering with the UN to hire all these new drivers. This is aimed at providing more opportunities for women worldwide. And for Uber, it’s also aimed at taking the wheel on its PR strategy.

 

ENTERTAINMENT 3/11

WHAT TO SAY WHEN “CLUELESS” IS ON TV…

I don’t like any activities where balls fly at my nose. Kim Jong-un doesn’t either. On Tuesday, South Korean activists said they were going to send 10,000 copies of his favorite movie, “The Interview”, into North Korea via balloons. Plus some propaganda leaflets for good measure. This would coincide with the fifth anniversary of the sinking of a South Korean warship, which has been blamed on North Korea. And would come as tensions have been very high between the two countries. This really burst NK’s bubble, and the country said it would respond with “cannons and missiles.”

 

MEDICAL 3/12

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU HAVE A HEADACHE AND YOUR CO-WORKER GIVES YOU AN ASPIRIN…

With or without metal? In 2010, parents around the US tossed out their Children’s Tylenol when they learned the medicine might include pieces of metal. Oops. On Wednesday, a subsidiary of Johnson & Johnson pleaded guilty to a federal charge that it sold the contaminated medicine. To which everyone else said ‘hope your No More Tears shampoo stops working.’ The subsidiary kept selling the medicine for a year after finding out that metal pieces were winding up in bottles including Infants’ Tylenol and Children’s Motrin. The subsidiary agreed to pay $25 million to settle the case. Luckily, no one was injured while the bad medicine was on the shelves. This isn’t the first time Tylenol has had the word “contaminated” associated with it.

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