Presented by Cornell University’s Skimm’bassador Erica Baevsky

ISIS (4/20)

WHAT PEOPLE ARE HORRIFIED BY…

Still ISIS. On Sunday, the terror group released a video that appears to show ISIS militants executing groups of Ethiopian Christians in Libya. Yes, ISIS is also in Libya. This is part of a string of horrifying incidents where extremist groups have targeted Christians. Earlier this year, this same Libyan branch released another video showing the execution of Egyptian Christians. Egypt responded with  airstrikes. Those haven’t seemed to stop ISIS’s enthusiasm for execution videos. If confirmed, the new video would be evidence that the Libyan branch has been coordinating with ISIS HQ in Iraq and Syria. That’s a partnership no one’s celebrating.

 

SPORTS NEWS (4/20)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE BACK FROM A WEEKEND AWAY…

The eagle has landed. So has Tim Tebow. On Sunday, the former NFL QB became a current NFL QB after reportedly accepting an offer from the Eagles for a one-year contract. Since getting cut from the NY Jets two years ago, Tebow’s been working as a sports analyst. And really trying to make football happen again. The Eagles have three other QBs, so TBD on whether he’ll just be a wingman.

 

RETAIL NEWS (4/20)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR INSTA FEED IS FULL OF FLOWERS…

Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking. On Sunday, Target’s Lilly Pulitzer line went on sale. The stuff sold out right away. The store lines were out the door. Everyone had Missoni deja vu. But there’s hope – you can now buy Lilly Pulitzer for Target on eBay, for about as much as it costs to buy Lilly Pulitzer for Lilly Pulitzer. Sorority girls everywhere are mourning this loss with froyo.

 

HISTORY NEWS (4/21, 4/23)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU HEAR ‘WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND’…

Hi, Oskar Groening. On Tuesday, the 93-year-old known as the “accountant of Auschwitz” went on trial in Germany. He faces 300,000 charges of accessory to murder for his time as a Nazi guard and bookkeeper at the concentration camp. Even though Groening admits to working there, he says he didn’t commit any of the crimes himself. Dozens of Holocaust survivors or their relatives are serving as co-plaintiffs in the case.

 

WHAT TO SAY AT A FAMILY DINNER…

Did you hear about John Hinckley Jr.? Hinckley tried to assassinate President Ronald Reagan while he was in office. Now, Hinckley and his doctors are pushing for his release from the mental hospital where he’s been for decades. Hinckley was found not guilty of the 1981 shooting because he pleaded insanity. This didn’t fly with many in the public, as well as the federal government and some states, who started changing their insanity defense laws . At a court hearing on Wednesday, doctors told the government that they think Hinckley is ready to move back to his mom’s house. To be continued.

 

FOOD NEWS (4/21)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER COMES IN WITH A SUSPICIOUS TAN…

Is that natural? Now Kraft can say ‘yes.’ Spoiler alert: the company’s bright orange Mac & Cheese is not natural. But on Monday, Kraft announced that it’s dropping all artificial preservatives and synthetic colors from the recipe. As of next year, artificial is out, and things like turmeric and paprika are in. This is Kraft responding to the whole people-not-wanting-to-eat-chemicals trend. And realizing that Orange is not the New Cheese.

 

CORPORATE NEWS (4/23)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU SEND SAVE THE DATES AND YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW HAS A CONFLICT…

Well this is awkward. Last year, Comcast and Time Warner Cable announced plans to marry and merge into one big happy company. But it’s been a long engagement, since the US government has to give its blessing before they can tie the knot. And on Wednesday, the Federal Communications Commission reportedly recommended a hearing to consider the merger. In regulator speak, a hearing can mean long delays to a potential merger, which has led to broken engagements in the past. The agency reportedly has concerns that the new company would be bad news for consumers – if you enjoy calling Comcast customer service now, think of how fun it’s going to be with one less competitor in the market…

 

DEATH NEWS (4/21)

WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT…

Baltimore. Last week, a 25-year-old black man named Freddie Gray was arrested in Baltimore. Police say it was because he ran when they approached, and had a knife on him when he was stopped. A bystander video of the arrest shows Gray being dragged into a police van. A few minutes into the ride, the officers called an ambulance to pick up Gray from the police station. When Gray got to the station, police say he couldn’t talk or breathe. Earlier this week, Gray died of his injuries. Yesterday, an autopsy revealed that he died from a severe spinal injury. Baltimore’s working on figuring out what the F happened and have suspended the arresting officers.

 

EDUCATIONAL NEWS (4/20)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU REMEMBER IT’S MONDAY…

Wish I could ‘opt out’ of today. Thousands of students in the US are reportedly opting out of tests in line with Common Core standards. These are yearly exams given to students, to check up on how well schools are doing their jobs. But critics think that teachers are focusing too much on the test, and that kids are burning out from test prep. Now, as many as 70% of students reportedly aren’t taking the test in some districts. And test administrators are saying “Bueller…?”

 

INTERNATIONAL NEWS (4/22)

WHAT TO SAY WHILE NAMING A GOOGLE DOC…

‘Operation Decisive Storm’ is now available. On Tuesday, Saudi Arabia ended its month-long airstrike campaign in Yemen dubbed – yup – ‘Operation Decisive Storm.’ The Saudis have been very decisive in targeting a rebel group called the Houthis, who overthrew Yemen’s government earlier this year. The Houthis are backed by Iran; Yemen’s old government was backed by the Saudis (and the US). Saudi Arabia and Iran get along as well as Valley and Bayside and Yemen has been caught in the middle. When things started getting messy, Saudi Arabia moved in with airstrikes,  which seriously hurt the Houthis’ military infrastructure.  Now that that’s done, and that there’s been heavy criticism over civilian casualties because of the strikes,  the Saudis want to focus on getting Yemen stabilized and bringing back the government. Piece of cake. Iranian cake.

 

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