Author: Liza Mansbach
Water bottles are standard part of Cornell culture because everyone has to drink. If you have ever looked around in class at the plethora of water bottles sitting on the mini chair desks and wondered, “Who are these people?” then this article is for you.
Green Gatorade Bottle:
If you tote one of these around, you’re probably not only an athlete, but the kind of person who needs everyone to know you’re an athlete. You most likely stick this in the side of your numbered Cornell Football backpack while wearing a grey Cornell Athletics sweatshirt in size XL because you are #yoked. For you, being an athlete isn’t just a hobby; it’s a lifestyle. You don’t eat dinner, you re-fuel. You don’t just have days off, you have active recovery. You don’t have friends, you have teammates. While everyone else complains about having 3 prelims in next week, you chime in that you have 3 prelims and 6 A.M. lifts, just so everyone knows that, yeah, you’re an athlete.
A Camelbak or Any Water Bottle With a Straw:
You struggle with everyday things. You are always late. You trip on your own feet. Your socks never match. You lose everything that isn’t attached to you and will probably lose this water bottle soon enough. You used to use a regular water bottle but couldn’t manage to drink from it without spilling all over yourself, your favorite shirt, and the person sitting next to you. You use a water bottle with a straw because you do better with products designed for young children. Sometimes you look at all the gross mold in the mouthpiece and think about washing it. Then, you remember the total disarray in every other aspect of your life and drink from it anyways.
Water Bottle Decked Out With Stickers:
While others put stickers on their laptop, you prefer to keep your MacBook pristine and, instead, rep all your clubs/brands/vacation homes on your water bottle. You’re probably in a sorority, and if you don’t use your sorority water bottle you at least have a sticker with your letters on it. Additionally you have at minimum stickers from Cornell, Vineyard Vines, CTB, and whatever random clubs you happen to be in. You either have a monogram sticker or you’re considering getting one but are afraid you’d get judged for it. You will probably get one anyway.
Nalgene Bottle:
You got this puppy back in ‘07 when your were in Bunk 6 at Camp Land O’ Lakes and, much like your bunkmates, this water bottle is still highly relevant to your life today. In the same way that your camp friends have been by your side since you were nine, this water bottle has gone through all of middle and high school along with you. It was there for your first kiss at the canteen social and your first hangover after Homecoming. It has experienced all of your awkward phases and still loves you anyway. Although it’s a little worse for the wear, this water bottle, like your love for camp, is virtually indestructible and will likely be with you for the foreseeable future.
Plastic Water Bottle:
Not only do you not care about the environment, but you don’t even pretend that you do. At Trillium and Terrace, you put all of your waste in the trash because you find the difference between recycling and composting confusing. You are annoyed that the Cornell Store charges you 5¢ extra for a plastic bag. You think people who take showers in under two minutes are sadists. You buy a plastic water bottle at whatever on-campus cafe you’re closest to and you usually don’t even recycle it when you are done. People keep telling you to get a reusable water bottle, but they also say to update iOS for the new emojis–and you aren’t going to do that either.
