Yasmin’s Weekly Rant: Emojis

Columnist & Editor-in-Chief: Yasmin Alameddine

I, like the other million females in my gender, use and abuse emojis. They bring light, life and emotion into social media. They can make even the most boring of text-ers slightly funny, and even the most obnoxious Instagram picture a little less annoying.

Although there are many vital emotions the Emoji makers are missing (where’s the cupcake? cheese? lobsters?), I want to focus on the redundant, excess of useless emojis that the creators have given us:

Let’s take a look, shall we?

 

I am so glad they gave users a distinction between purple devils. I mean sometimes I want to seem “happy sinister”, but other times I really want to come across as “sad sinister”

 

I like transportation as much as the next girl, but do I really need this many variations of trains?

 

 

Why make only 10 flags when there are 195 countries in the world? Are these 10 flags selected because of the high iPhone usage rates in the country? Or are they apart of some secret technological trade agreement? I’m mostly suspicious (read: mad) because of the lack of Canadian flag.

 

 
I really appreciate the fact that the Emoji creators gave me two options of a typical white house with red roof. Because, more often than not, I need to tell my friends that I am waiting for them in front of the house with the tree, not without. Duh.

 

 
It is very important to make a distinction if your hotel or church has love in it.

 

 

Guys, the earth is constantly spinning. So we need to depict that in our 3 emojis of the earth from different angles, right? Wrong.

 

 

What’s the difference between a waning gibus and a waxing gibus? Let me show you with these creepy cheese ball-moon resembling emojis.

 

 
Sometimes you’re sitting in your bath tub, and other times you’re not. You have to express this complex emotion somehow! Thanks emoji creators!

 

Instead of texting your friend annoying emojis, how bout just telling them to turn their music off?

 

 

You have your four conditions: unlocked, locked, locked with a key and last but not least pen locked! Wait a second…

I can promise you, that I spend hours in Staples getting school stationary too, but do I really need this many ways to express my love of graphs, paper, folding paper, and different color volumes?

 

You know when you’re trying to describe how your CD looks to a friend? But sometimes its off yellow, and other times it off-yellow and inside a case? Wait, you don’t? That’s probably because NO ONE USES CDs anymore.

 

You know when you’re in a life or death situation, you’re losing blood really fast and you need to ask your friend what their blood type is in order to do a transfusion? Why not spend four hours trying to find the symbols that apparently represent blood type, that’s an efficient use of your last minutes alive…

I personally believe that if you a) find out what these symbols mean b) use them accurately in a text. You will find the true meaning of life.

But, alas, as infuriating emojis can be, at least they can represent Slope Media’s mission statement well:

 

 

Text translation: As Cornell’s multimedia powerhouse, Slope Media Group is a leader in Cornell-related media and entertainment, delivering a creative, student perspective on everything that matters to you. Slope is for students, by students.

 

emojis, Rant, yasmin alamedine