The Freedom of Embracing Uncertainty: Be-ers vs. Do-ers and The Myth of "The One"

By Kat Martin

“What do you study?” I hear in conversations peppered throughout campus, followed by “Oh! What do you want to do with that?” Well-meaning questions, no doubt, but frustrating, if not hollow ones.

We ask children and young adults what they want to do instead of who they want to be. My dad always said that there are “be-ers” and “do-ers” in the world.

“Your mom’s a do-er,” he’d say, nodding across the living room to her mound of paperwork. Her glasses reflected both her screen and the fervent tenacity of her work ethic. “I’m a be-er,” he said, gesturing down to the fluffy blanket and Youtube video he found himself engulfed in. 

At Cornell, popular sentiment has led me to believe that I should be a do-er— that achievement supersedes character. It’s made me focus on what I have done and hope to do, rather than who I have been and who I hope to be. 

The question, for me then, is not “What do you want to do,” but “How do you want to be?” “How do you want to live?” Do you want to live for humor? Connection? Simple, sublime pleasures? Extravagant ones? Do you want to live for someone else? Or for yourself? 

I want to live an enjoyable, meaningful life. What does that look like, you might ask? I’m not quite sure yet. Or, the three most taboo words on campus, I don’t know.

But, stay with me - here’s what I just remembered: I don’t have to know. I don’t even have to pretend to know! The plume of certainty that looms over campus is, well, mostly just an attempt to alleviate the fear of the unknown - the fear of uncertainty.  

My call - my plea - is to lean into the uncertainty. Lean, at the risk of sounding like the fabled ice queen herself, into the unknown. Allow yourself to be mystified by the beauty of the unknown, not crippled by it. I think you’ll find it's actually pretty freeing. 

By leaning into the unknown and acknowledging the beautiful randomness of uncertainty, life can be seen through a lens of delightfully coincidental occurrences. Or, for the Bob Ross fans and stans, happy accidents. Often we try out for the club that has a friend in it. Or better yet, on a whim! Maybe what ends up being our favorite class was initially taken as a begrudging backup.

We needn’t sift through the miles and piles of possibilities to find “the one.” We should acknowledge and subsequently reject the myth of “the one.” That goes for The job, and The partner, and The degree. Instead, we should seek out A job. A partner. A path. By leaning into the unknown and embracing uncertainty, these happy coincidences become the path.